Desire to Love
by Lifelessmidget
Summary: Draco decides that it is high time that he spends a little of his time just on Potter, as his book plans go down the drain, new ideas pop up into his little mischevious brain... Read and Review Warning- HarryDraco Completed!
1. Facts of Life

_I really dunno why I decided to rite this but I think I had a bit too much to eat…_

_It's basically PWP- plot? What Plot?_

_Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter (the fabulous J.K Rowling is the mastermind behind that)_

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**Title- The Desire to Love **

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**Chapter 1 **

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**Facts of life**

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I had decided to write a book but have no idea what to write it on, but the hopes of finding the inspiration to do so were wearing thin.

I never really had an obsession but there was one thing that bugged me a bit.

I had never considered what it would be like to observe the famous boy-who-lived for the whole entire day.

I soon found out that I had missed out five consecutive years of sheer humour.

The fact that I am a Malfoy proves the matter of not being able to scrutinize our little Potter with the intense-ness until after the fifth year.

Translation of the above- Malfoy's don't watch or any under circumstances _stare intently_ at Potter's.

The reason being is two words- My father.

It wasn't until the start of the Christmas Eve that I received my life long gift of having my Father torn from my mother and me by excessive force from the Ministry of Magic.

From that day onwards, I have never seen my mother so happy and carefree; I didn't know she hated him as much as I.

It was Lucius who taught me to loathe the Potter boy, who taught me the darkest magic beyond darkness and who taught me love was not a necessary component in life.

I spent those five wretched years drowned in the darkness of Malfoy pride, the pride that my father had created to form the person I am now.

Fortunately for me, he had only gone through the first 16 years of my life filling up my head with dirt on the school of Hogwarts, before he was taken away…… before his influence had destroyed my future prior to it even starting.

Mother soon corrected all the information fed to me by those poisonous lips but the one thing which she couldn't correct was my hatred.

Once I hate, it's a hard factor to erase.

The other thing she couldn't correct was the smirk of mine but I think that was a trait I inherited and not gained out of utter practise.

Not that I didn't get enough of it at school.

I soon found school a more enjoyable place to be despite the piece of meat behind bottle thick glasses that wouldn't stop staring at me from across the great hall every time we had breakfast.

The previous year which had also been the fate of my father had also been the downfall of Lord you-know-who. Apparently it had been due time for him to burn in the fires of hell with the assistance of Professor Dumbledore.

And in the burning fires of hell should he stay, I practically begged father not to burn that hideous black thing on my smooth pale skin and too glad I was when the time came that I had found out he had disintegrated to his fiery fate.

So it was this detail that had everyone at school ecstatic but me. Not that I wasn't, it was just the years of learning to hide emotion which prevented my face from splitting into a smirk.

The Slytherin's weren't particularly happy about the news, as most of their parents were caught and thrown in Azkaban leaving them in charge of their household, but they were significantly looking happier than they would if everything had stayed the same.

The atmosphere at Hogwarts had warmed greatly over the few weeks and much to my surprise I found houses had began to mingle with each other, including the Slytherin's and the Gryffindor's.

Quidditch matches resumed as normal but the captains were nicer to each other, and though the game itself was still rough, there were no grudges held against any of the players.

Well, almost all the players, I think I was the only one who wasn't in the merry mood of the year.

Although I was taught to be kinder to everyone at school and to learn to express my emotions, my years of experience had overridden the attempt to be nice.

I wasn't mean though, I had had enough of the mean me. That part of me has taken over my years and it was stopping once and for all.

I had taken to keeping to myself, occasionally glancing towards the Gryffindor table every now and then. They were always laughing so loud at things.

It wasn't until a few months later that the houses thought it would be _fun_ to sit at different tables, and the headmaster didn't bother to break the bond between houses.

It had become noticeably annoying when I found Goyle and Crabbe sitting at the Hufflepuff table one day when I came down for dinner, they were sitting with their new _friends_ and decided to eat with them as well.

I think it was the first time that day that I felt irritated at the seating arrangements, there were actually Slytherin's sitting on different tables and students of other houses sitting in the seats of the Slytherin's.

It was precisely the only day I had decided on my free will to sit by myself at the end of the table where there were no occupants, I didn't care if anybody saw me without my so-called friends. Like I said, my father was gone and with him went my arrogance.

Well a bit of my arrogance anyway.

It was also the day which I picked up the trait of staring, or rather, looking intently at Harry Potter. Observing his every move, from the moment he stepped into the hall and fell flat on his face.

Quite amusing display if I say so myself and when he picked himself up, he had a somewhat pink and circular blotch on his forehead along with an unidentifiable message flashing across the legendary scar.

He looked murderous and stormed over to the Ravenclaw table to the Irish boy, otherwise known as Seamus Finnigan, green eyes flashing and black hair swirled up into a mess.

I propped my elbows up onto the table to watch the scene that was quickly rising before me, I wasn't hungry and besides, this was Potter, the Mr-I-fell-over-on-my-way-in Potter getting into a fight with someone from his own house.

"JUST WHAT WERE YOU THINKING MESSING AROUND WITH MY FACEWASH???" the words just boomed from Potter's lips with such an extreme force that Seamus propelled off his chair in gales of laughter.

Potter looked ready to kill and I could tell why now that he was closer to my table, on this forehead flashed the words in perfectly readable English "A knut a fuck"        

I could already tell this was going to be good, Potter was beyond angry as he picked the laughing Irish off the floor by his collar and growled out the words "FIX IT"

I already had my journal out to write down the latest entry.

"I-I c-c-can't!" the sandy haired boy was laughing so much that he had a hard time trying to say those two simple words, and these two simple words had a rather devastating effect on Potter.

Somebody was going to have to get on a broomstick and collect that Irish off the roof.

_Note to self- Do not piss Potter off _

I didn't think that Potter had it in him to throw a person on the roof, let alone have the strength in those scrawny bones to even manage it. The scary facts of life are yet to be discovered by the hands of a Wizard.

The scary facts of Potter's life are now decidedly placed in my hands. By myself, with the assistance of Potter himself but all he needs to do is let me observe him (without him knowing)

So begins the plans of my book and the brilliant ideas that revolve around my brains but first, I must learn to get rid of this arrogance……….

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_Yeah short and boring but the start of Malfoy's book plans_

_Feel free to drop a review!_

       


	2. Reasons and Excuses

_whistles man that's a heap of reviews for a stupid story LOL_

_thankz__ heaps to the people who reviewed (you didn't have to but it was nice to get a confidence boost once in a while)_

_yeah__ I noticed that I tend to use 'I' a lot_

_LOL_

_ buh that's meeh and personally I can't fix it (well I prolly can buh me too lazy to try)_

_It's basically PWP- plot? What Plot? So I have no idea what the hell I am riting, just whatever comes into my head…._

_Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter (the fabulous J.K Rowling is the mastermind behind that)_

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**Title- The Desire to Love **

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**Chapter 2 **

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**Reasons and excuses **

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The arrogance is hard to get rid of as I found out a couple of days ago when I tried talking to myself in the mirror. Blaise now thinks that I am weird and is staying as far away from me as possible.

Or so I thought until he gave me the 'eye'

I think I'll be the one staying confined to the four walls of my room. At least then I can practise being nice, which requires a lot of work if I do say so myself.

16 years spent learning how to hate and here I am taking the 30 minute test to 'being nice', I am starting to think that this is impossible.

I guess it was thinking about a certain green eyed Gryffindor which gave me the ability to learn at the speed of light, but I still hadn't gotten rid of that anger filled arrogance, it just keeps popping up in the worst case scenarios.

For example, I have this head gear which acts as a virtual reality game except I don't get to choose what happens. My virtue reality however, does contain my one and only opponent of the year and I get to choose two other people to appear in it.

So far it turned out good and I had a chat with Virtue Harry and he actually liked me, then it turned ugly.

Virtue Blaise turned up and started his own conversation with me and Virtue Harry, then somehow, he managed to end up snogging that green eyed freak.

And let me say, that mental image is not helping my junior year recovery…

After about three tries I gave up and settled for the mirror and as I said earlier, Blaise caught me talking to my reflection whom I was pretending was Potter in case I ever run into the twit but unfortunately my fellow Slytherin thinks I am a narcissist.

Which I am_ NOT_ just to clear that up… but I guess I am pretty good looking for a Slytherin, I mean, I look better than Goyle and Crabbe and maybe Blaise as well.

Anyways, the point is that I have to get an interview with Potter without him thinking that I have gone mad, but the fact that I can't do this _without_ him thinking that is in effect…………. impossible.

Although there have been people going off to different houses to admit their secrets and etc, I am not one to go off and spill the beans on Potter about me wanting to write a book on him. Sure, there are the Slytherins' that have apologised for all the harm we caused them all these years and the other houses have forgiven them.

I sent letters instead of face to face talk, I wouldn't even have sent them if my mother hadn't told me to 'play nicely now' and me being the great Malfoy I am, ain't going to put my mother through anymore stress.

Aren't I nice?

What's the point of even being nice anymore?

When I look in the mirror, all I see is the same person that I have always been since the start of my years here…..

Still, I guess practise does make perfect!

It was at that moment that my owl had come to the window to deliver a letter (and probably smirk at me too, he knew immediately that I was talking to the mirror) I looked at the large envelope that bore a message on the front saying _From__ everyone._

It didn't look very safe to open but I did anyway, I really couldn't be bothered to cast a protection spell.

I ripped open the top with my letter opener and there were little bits and pieces of paper in them that had little messages written on them, I tipped them onto the bed to check them out and picked one out.

**_You're forgiven- Neville Longbottom_**

I didn't get it, so I picked another one out.

**_Yes I do admit that you have caused us all a great amount of trouble this year but since you are being so sincere about all of this, I will forgive you for all the havoc you put us through but not for the time you called me a 'Mudblood' even though you did apologise for that as well…you really hurt my feelings- Hermione Granger_**

Why do they all say 'you are forgiven'? I rummaged through the rest of the papers and most of them said the exact same message that Longbottom had written, it was like fanmail except for the fact that it was 'forgiven' mail.

I shook my head as I ticked off the names remembering that I _did _send out apologies, I also noticed that some came from my own house which was weird since I don't remember sending any of the Slytherins apologies.

So far, as I went through them, Granger's had been the longest reply and not really the warmest one. I particularly like Weasly's one which said:

**_You are forgiven but I still hate you Malfoy! - Ron Weasly_   **

I threw the ones that I read away, by the time I was through with all of them I was beat, the reason why I decided to go through all of them was because I was searching for one person's in particular.

And their name did not appear in the smaller bits of paper.

Well at least not in _this_ particular envelope…

My owl ended up returning with a brown envelope with _from Harry Potter_ written in an untidy scrawl of black ink.

I think my heart jumped a bit.

I opened the envelope and there was a rather long letter (well compared to the 'forgiven messages') folded neatly in it and this is what it said:

**_Dear Malfoy_**

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**_I appreciate the fact that you decided to apologise for all the years of taunting you gave me and my friends, and strictly speaking, the crude remarks about family._**

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**_Though I don't understand what your problem is, why do you find pleasure in teasing others? Answer me that…… I know that your Father has been put in Azkaban but why do you have to be constantly looking as if you hate everyone?_**

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**_Apart from the fact that I have forgiven you (yes I know, as bizarre as that may sound) I was wondering whether…… _**

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**_Never mind, I forgive you…_**

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**_From H.J.Potter_**

Well at least I know now that he accepts the apology, what I don't know is why he scratched out that bit about 'wondering' and since that concerned me, I had the right to pester him for answers.

I sat myself down at the large desk and grabbed a quill and parchment from my drawers and started to write a response.

**_Dear Potter _**

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**_I have received your letter and need to have a few things sought out._**

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**_Though I am grateful that you have accepted my apology I would like to know what you are 'wondering' about me, as you didn't clearly scratch those words out._**

**_A pointer in writing letters, make sure all words are illegible if you don't want others to know…_**

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**_The reason I look like I hate everyone is because I DO hate everyone, or has that concept not passed your mind? _**

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**_And for the record Potter, I do not find joy in teasing others, just you because you amuse me when you are pissed off._**

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**_From D.L.Malfoy_**

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I think that should do it, I folded the letter and shoved it into a black envelope sealing it with a silver wax stamp that embossed a snake and my initials onto it.

I gave it to my owl with a treat, it gave me a long stare before taking off again, I knew that I shouldn't have taught the damn bird to smirk, now it just scares me whenever I do something that I shouldn't be doing.

When my desk was clear of any evidence that I had written a letter, I took Potters letter and opened the last drawer in my desk, I muttered an old Malfoy spell that my Mother and Father made up together and the bottom of the drawer popped open revealing my stash of secret belongings.

There was my photo album of my Mother and Father when they had first started to date, a book of poems written by a muggle (even though it was a Muggle, the poems were impeccably perfect), a silver dragon ring wrapped in a black silk bag, and my invisibility cloak that bore my name in silver stitching (it was passed down from generation to generation)

I placed Potter's letter in with my possessions and muttered the concealing spell and closed the drawer.

I took out a book from underneath the stack of parchments and began to write in it with the notes that I scribbled down in my journal.

**_Chapter one- Something noticed_**

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**_It is noted that Harry Potter is a rather attentive boy when it comes to noticing the smaller details in life, but when it comes to major change, he is the most oblivious boy of all._**

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**_When girls go crazy over him, he is worrying about Quidditch. When the papers write personal yet informative fiction about him, he is throwing people who mess with his facial features onto the roof._**

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**_His eyes show plenty emotion, they are discerned to turn a dark emerald when he is distressed and a bright jade when he is joyous. He doesn't approve of staring from people as it makes him feel quite uncomfortable but short glances from large groups of people makes him feel fine._**

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**_Harry is known to hang around with Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly in his additional time but most of the time he can be found alone under the large Sycamore located near the lake reading or daydreaming. What he thinks about is beyond anyone's predictions and can only be found out if asked by the boy, but he hardly confides about his thoughts to others._**

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I think I have lost most of my vocabulary as I read what I wrote, I can see that I definitely need an editor to figure out whether or not I have put phrases in the wrong place.

I close the book after I rip out the page of what I have written and shove it deep into the pockets of my robes, this is definitely not going to be the first chapter to my book but it would be along the lines of it.

I check the time and figure that it is about time to go down to dinner and take more thought into what is to be written and what is to be noted…. I think I am good at noting yet not really good at putting them into words and this is what annoys me the most.

As I think, I walk out of the dorm to the great hall, with information about Potter flying about through my head…. There was one thing in particular that got me wrenched out of the thoughts and that was Potters voice.

I heard it as I started to round a corner but I stopped when I heard who was talking against the wall.

"I don't know Ron, I just can't figure it out" said the distressed voice of Harry, I heard him sigh in frustration.

"B…but how long have you known for?" a squeak of a voice told me that it was the red-headed weasel talking and he didn't seem very impressed about what Harry had told him, but the point was, What _had_ Harry told him??

"I don't know, it just struck me….. you don't hate me do you?" Harry's meek voice asked, this was definitely something that had to be looked into further as I heard that sentence.

"No of course not Harry, I wouldn't hate you for something like that! It's just a bit weird you know…" Ron sounded like he was constipated but that's how he always sounds in my mind.

"So you don't mind?"

Don't mind WHAT???????

"Hell no Harry, have you told Hermione yet?" there's that whiny voice again, I want to know WHAT they are talking about!!!

"no…. not yet, I'll tell her later"

I think I am going to pass out from not knowing what is going on, the one thing that a Malfoy cannot take would be suspense.

"Don't fret too much Harry okay? People won't see you differently……. Let's go eat dinner now" Ron said in a truthful way as I heard them walk away, it almost made me sick, they were talking like kids for crying out loud. It was the WHAT that I wanted to know.

I want to cry out of frustration.

My main mission for the week is to find out what is wrong with Harry Potter and write it down into my journal..

And this calls for my trusty invisibility cloak.

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_well__ theres the next chappie_

_I hope that yooh guys like it……… =P cos I cant really think of much these days _

_Please review anyhow -_

_grin_

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	3. Being invisible

_Yeh__ it's pretty obvious what Harry told Ron LOL_

_I made it like that so that people could understand but poor Ditzy Draco doesn't _

_Hope you guy like this chappie and thankyou all for the reviews really brightened up my day _

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**Title- The Desire to Love **

**Chapter 3 **

**Being invisible**

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For the time being, my main objective is Potter (not that it hasn't been already but I have a different initiative)

The book-writing scheme is not going as planned so it has literally been ditched, I have a more better idea.

This will be uncovered _after _I have found out what Potter had been whinging about.

Though I must say, their conversation was almost alike to that of Goyle's and Crabbe's (which I had the misfortune of overhearing in the fourth year) it was quite a disturbing thought that has floated around with me since that time.

But Potter couldn't be what I am starting to think he is…. Could he??

There wasn't much time for me to quarrel with myself anyhow as I sprinted back down to the dungeons (okay I slid down the banister) to retrieve my invisibility cloak. My mission would take place _after_ I eat.

Of course, whatever's on the menu tonight won't ravish my hunger for information, particularly that of Harry Potter.

Insufferable git… I think he has placed an obsession spell on me since I can't seem to get these annoying thoughts out of my mind.

I shove the cloak into my pocket (handy attribute to this cloak, it can fit in the tiniest of pockets) and manage to run back to the Great Hall without so much as a once-over from the students that were filing _ever so slowly_ up the stairs.

I reckon this old castle needs elevators, I read about them in Blaise's muggle magazines and they seem to come in handy when you don't wish to climb up ten million stairs.

And then I saw him.

After all, those blinding green eyes and that I-have-woken-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed hair was quite hard to miss.

That ruddy Gryffindor was with his damnable 'friends' and he looked quite agitated about something because he looked back, saw me and then his eyes went wide from…

…….Was that fear?

They managed to get into the Hall before I could say anything.

Damn boy, well nobody tricks Draco Malfoy by saying things that make no sense, I slip behind the wall and wait for the rest of the students to file into the Hall for dinner.

While I'm behind that wall, I went over the sentence that I said in my head and found that it was complete and utter nonsense.

My hand goes up to my forehead and checks whether I am coming down with a fever.

Nope, nothing unusual.

The last student flits past in a scurry and I quickly disappear under my cloak, I'm going to find out what was wrong with Potter in the most discreet way that I can manage…..

………By crawling under the long Gryffindor table.

And so begins my journey crawling and dirtying my robes like those filthy beggar people. Humility was starting to strike me where it hurt most (I'm talking about the head mind you) as I got down on my hands and knees and started to inch forward to my nemesis.

It just happened to be my luck that they sat up near the top of the table and I had to begin my little expedition at the end of the table.

As I moved on through the swarm of robes, worn trousers and skirts and….. (is that a _girls_ leg??) I have to restrain from crying of laughter, this particular leg had my name tattooed at the ankle, I stopped laughing once I heard the voice the leg belonged to.

It was none other than Pansy Parkinson…. She's alright and all but I know for a fact that she swings the _opposite_ direction the day I caught her snogging the head prefect of Slytherin who just so happened to be a girl.

Pansy's leg crossed over and I caught glimpse of another name joint with mine, to my horror (well, it was horror because it was on Pansy's leg) the name was Harry Potter.

So, my journey has picked up something- Pansy had a fetish that includes the Green eyes and me.

I shook my head and started to scurry forward faster, I certainly didn't want to know anymore information coming from _that_ leg.

Fortunately, the underside of the table was fairly spacious so I could make my way across without being jabbed by legs (unless they were stretched out which I haven't reached yet thank the Lord)

Unfortunately, you could hear _everything_ going on above, and people these days positively had no secrets to keep. It was the gossip which rang across my head that pulled insanely at my insides.

Now, as being a Malfoy, we don't snoop into things which we _don't_ _want to know._  While Potter is one thing which I _do_ want to know, I didn't crawl across the bottom of a stone floor (which is damn right grubby) to find out which Hufflepuff was screwing which Ravenclaw (Honestly, how did _they_ manage to mingle??)

By the time I was two metres away from my subject, my ears had been soiled greatly from excess information that I would have been better off _not_ knowing.

Such as, for example, a juicy bit of gossip about myself being a Veela and having a taste for shiny stilettos. That was by far the furthest fact from the truth.

There was also a gross incident that I _know_ I shouldn't have been listening on which involved a dog, a cake and a condom (the things that people come up with these days!)

I knew at once that even though there was no sight of anyone looking under the table, that wearing the invisibility cloak was definitely a good idea because just as I reached Potter and his friends, _Someone's_ leg from the left had decided to stretch out knocking the wind out of me.

"Who did I kick??" it was that damn Irish boy, I will tear him apart once I recover from that _UNCALLED FOR ATTACK!!_

But for now, I searched frantically for an idea in my head, and one popped into my head momentarily.

I preyed to the Lord not to kill me and punched the leg on the right.

"OW!! Seamus!! That HURT!!" that voice was as recognisable as Snape's look of hate reserved for Harry.

"Gee Neville, I'm sorry and all but you sure took your time to respond" a sound of surprise from the Irish before crossing his legs under the wooden bench.

Stupid dingbat, should be apologising to me.

Another idea popped into my head and I made sure I had room for this, I wasn't about to make the same mistake again and get kicked in the stomach again (I swear, I can feel the bruise formulating already)

I punched the leg that cruelly came in contact with my skin and I made sure that it was a bruising one.

"OW!! NEVILLE I SAID I WAS SORRY!!" I snickered under the table silently as I could practically see the fire spitting from the boys mouth.

"What?? I didn't do nothing!!" the innocent voice of Longbottom was protesting, I smirked and punched the puggy boy's left leg once more but this time it was joined with a sneaker covered foot to the right leg.

"SEAMUS!! WHY DID YOU KICK ME AGAIN!!! For crying out loud, twice in one go???!!! And you know I bruise easily!" I could picture that wailing face as I grinned devilishly up at the table.

Then my ear pricked up when I heard Granger's voice above the commotion that was starting "Would you two stop playing footsies, because I can't hear a single word that Harry is trying to tell me!"

I could hear internal growling between the two 'foot' boys and crawled across in order to make it directly under Potter's seating place. And how might you ask did I know that this was his place?

He had a pair of mismatched socks on when he came into the Hall, I seriously think he needs a new pair of glasses as they don't seem to help tell his colours apart.

I listened in carefully and managed to catch their conversation over a large dispute starting over 'who' got the last cheese slice.

"You were saying Harry?" I heard Grangers voice say in a softer tone than she did to the other two boys.

"Well, this may come as a shock to you 'Mione but…." I listened closely to Potters explanation and almost tripped from craning my neck up to hear the sentence.

There was a large crash on the table and I almost groaned in frustration, I was _SO_ close to finding out!!

"Oh for crying out loud!!!" I heard Grangers voice yell as she stood up and slammed her fists on the table "SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

Note to self- Do not piss Granger off

The twitter died down to a silence and the girl sat back down with a huff.

"You needed to say something Harry?"

_Yeah like he's going to say anything, now that you had to put up that big show of anger.___

Like per usual I was right "N…no Hermy, it's alright, I'll tell you tomorrow"

_Great work Granger, I crawled all this way for nothing!_

Oh well, there was no point in keeping up this image of invisibility so I took of the cloak and squeezed between the two.

"Hey mind if I sit here?" I said in the most polite manner I could muster.

Weasly's eyes just popped wide open, what luck that he was sitting right across from my position.

He pointed a finger at me shakily "What the hell are you doing here Malfoy?? And why were you under the table??"

That finger is annoying me but no doubt that it is annoying the red head as well.

"I'd like to know that too Malfoy" Granger's voice said, I turned to face her, she was tapping the table with a look of superiority on her face.

"I was looking for something….. under the table" Well technically I was, I was looking for Potter

I could tell from the look on the Weasel and Granger that they didn't believe me one bit but my heart jumped when Potter spoke up for me.

"Yeah I saw him siting down the end" The lie slipped from his tongue like it was the truth and it was just that which made Granger shrug and say "Fine"

"B…but he's MALFOY!" stuttered the red-head, that finger still pointed my way.

Politeness did have its edge on the boy.

"He's not forbidden to sit here, Ron" Potter was being strangely nice about this and it was starting to worry me so I got up.

"Oh well, I understand if you don't want me to sit next to your lover boy so I'll just go then"

And with that, I ran out from the Great Hall without so much as a goodbye.

Once I reached the outside I breathed again, yep, it was damn scary knowing that Potter had stood up for me.

I smirked to myself and had it wiped from my face as soon as it broke out.

"Explain" I heard Potter's voice directly in front of me but couldn't see anyone.

He removed his cloak and glared at me with his brilliant green eyes which looked oddly evil at that particular moment, but I thought it better not to mention it to him.

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_hehehe__ yep yep another chappie_

_sorry__ it's a bit short buh I hope you guys like it anyway kekekek_


	4. Perfect

_LOL glad that most of you like this story _

_I personally have no idea what I'm going to write next but I'm starting to think that this might be the last chappie (I hope cos I tend to go on forever with my fics LOL)_

_Its gunna be a bit rushed so my apologies for it . _

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**Title- The Desire to Love **

**Chapter 4**

**Perfect**

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I would just like to take the time to say that I am perfect.

So perfect in fact that I had to get my sorry ass caught by Potter, I mean, I knew he had an invisibility cloak but what was the chances that he was going to _bring_ it with him to _dinner_ of all places????

Just for the record, if worst comes to worst, I will cast a spell on him…. I can't risk my intentions being uncovered by him,_ but_ (there is a but) I could try and worm some information out of the Four eyes the old fashion way.

"Well Malfoy??" said Potter, I practically jumped when he said that, I forgot that he was even there in the first place since my thoughts were swimming about getting out of the situation.

Oh right, I'm meant to come up with some sort of response.

"Eat my shorts"

I would just like to take the time to say that I wish I had a rock to crawl under… exactly _where_ did THAT come from??

I'll answer that myself, my untrained mouth that decided it would have a life of its own, bad mouth.

Potter has a bewildered look on his face.

It definitely suits him and it also looks as if he can't respond… even better.

Now would be the best time to escape and escape I did (or tried to), I literally ran straight into him and a word of advice, this is only recommended for desperate situations.

Unfortunately for me, he seemed to have anticipated it and stood his ground, which made us _both_ topple over.

How I get myself into these sorts of situations is beyond my imagination.

So now here I am, on top of Potter- who doesn't seem to be struggling about like most people would- in an awkward position, trying to get up unsuccessfully.

When I finally manage to disentangle myself (very rapidly as this is still a plan of escape) I shoot up and bolt down the hallway, I'm sure that this is it and Potter would have gotten the idea and left me alone but _noooo_….

I ran about 0.1 of an inch before getting ankle-tackled by that miscreant, and believe me, it HURTS!

Lucky I had arms to protect my head otherwise I would have a galleon sized lump right above my left eye, I have to add the new bruise on my elbow in my journal along with the one (I think it might be two) made by that damn Irish boy.

Remind me never to crawl under a house table ever again… very dangerous business.

"Malfoy, you didn't answer my question" I hear the breathy pant of Potters voice splutter.

Honestly, can't the dude get the idea of the word 'escape'

That's it. My lips are sealed, he can't get ANYTHING out of me. I'm not going to say anything from this moment on.

"Shut up four eyes"

Alright, from THIS moment on.

"Wasn't that quote from 'The simpsons?'" says Potter with that look of incredulity plastered across his face.

I need a camera someone! A camera!!!

My lips are still sealed, damn Gryffindor is such a dodo.

My favourite bird is a dodo.

I want to scream.

"Malfoy"

Lips cannot be kept unsealed………. Crap.

"Alright, Alright!! I wanted to get you to tell Granger whatever it was that you were so uptight about! My purpose was because I wanted to write a book on you, that went down the drain, I didn't eat dinner and I'm feeling really annoyed, I DON'T wear shiny stilettos, and I hate dogs, cakes and condoms from this moment onwards!! Are you happy now Mr scarhead????"

And first prize for the fastest and worst explanation ever goes to- ME

Where's that damn rock??

I do think that Potter will be fixed with that look for eternity, a part of me feels sorry for him and another part mocks him to hell.

I feel as if I have made an absolute fool of myself, and my attempts of escaping now would be 1 in a million. And a word of wisdom, I am definitely not that 1.

Reasons being?

I have lost the ability to run Potter looks like he is about to say something but also looks constipated Potter also has his hand permanently stuck to my ankle therefore I cannot move even if I tried. 

"What in Merlin's name are you talking about??" says Potter in an I-am-trying-to-stay-calm voice, his grip on my foot has (if it is possible as my circulation has probably stopped already) gone a considerable amount tighter.

I hang my head in shame (or should I say pain?) and try hard to find the words to say what I've always wanted to say…. But alas, the words don't come.

"Malfoy… did you just say that you don't wear shiny stilettos?" I look at the Gryffindor as if he were mad, is THAT what he was going all gaga about?

Well even if I wanted to comment on that sentence I wasn't able to because the damn four eyes had to go and ask a billion other questions that were making my head rather dizzy.

"Can you please SHUT UP for one minute???" I said in that oh-so-arrogant voice of mine, I actually got the chance to get a word in edgewise…. Stupid Gryffindor and his abnormally large mouth………… which looks so kissable right now all half open and hanging on a quarter sentence.

If I was a Gryffindor I would gain up the courage to do what I've been thinking of doing all these years but as I am not… I do the next best thing.

I run.

And this time I make it out of there without Potter chasing after me, instead, I leave him on the stone floor staring after me as if I am some escaped prisoner.

I guess in a way, I am.

By the time I get to my dormitory I am out of breath and find that I am still hungry, however, my main objective was to get away from that boy before I do something I regret…. Or not regret.

I technically didn't mean to push the door off its hinges as I burst into the room (honestly, I didn't even know I had the strength in me) though I was determined to get Potter out of my mind.

And there was only one way to do that.

I scrambled as gracefully as I could under my bed where I kept my stash of pot and grabbed the clear bag with the green grassy substance as its contents.

"Draco… exactly what do you think you are doing?" a familiar girly voice said from the door frame.

I hate low beds.

I rubbed the top of my head gingerly as I got over the fright of Pansy's voice startling me back into reality.

"I- was just going for a walk" I think I should make a book on me and my lamest excuses, Pansy is looking at me weirdly and then her eyes drift down to the bag of marijuana which I tried to hide very badly in the folds of my robes.

"I… … see" she says crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame, the hinges left on the door crumple and fall off as Pansy's eyebrow raises up.

Oh great, now she has me in one of those awkward silences where I have to explain myself in twenty seconds….. must get out of here as soon as possible.

"Wellmustgonowbeforediehorribledeath-NeedgetGoyleCrabbedosome…" I didn't know what I was babbling but as long as I spoke really fast as I walk away, the damn Slytherin girl would leave me alone.

As I make it to the end of the corridor I hear Pansy say "Potter kissed me"

I immediately whirl around and although my mind tells me not to speak, my mouth does otherwise "WHAT??"

My eyes meet Pansy's doubled over figure, stupid dog was playing with my mind all this time! She has got to get a new sense of humour because frankly, that was not funny…

I ran with all my might to the front entrance of the castle, avoiding people that had just finished dinner and were heading up to their common rooms.

Most of them ignored me, yet I knew they were ready to backstab as soon as I was out of earshot, being Potters archenemy had its downfalls.

I don't understand how everything tends to revolve back to Potter, it was just so…..weird

My feet carried me all the way to the quidditch pitch where I sat on that familiar patch of grass which seemed to have my name printed all over it, no one ever sat there mainly because I hexed it so that if they did, they would have a very embarrassing message plastered on their ass, forehead and other unmentionables.

I flopped down and regained my breath within a matter of three minutes.

The sky was dark velvet blue that night, sparkled with the colour of the stars and the presence of the moon lit up the quidditch pitch.

I took my time to roll up a joint and as I lit it and took a long drag, my thoughts were back at Potter.

Curse that soul for even living in my lifetime and making me miserable in ALL sorts of ways.

I knew that students weren't meant to be out at this time of night, but I reckon there is a loop-hole when it comes to students over the age of 15 as I see many lovebirds scurrying off to their secret places to snog/shag/do their thing with each other.

Keeping in mind the fact that not all of them are girl/boy…….. a majority of Hogwarts are homosexuals, something  I find that rather disturbing.

Not that I am saying anything about my preferences.

I take another drag of the joint and almost gag.

It was only until just recently that I took up smoking, a rather disgusting muggle habit but I found out that it was quite soothing and help calm my nerves down a bit.

I blow a smoke ring and watch as it slowly engulf the moon image above.

A rustling of wings causes me to turn around and duck as my eagle owl flies dangerously close to my head.

"You trying to kill me as I enjoy my joint huh?" I say playfully to him as he lands elegantly next to me, he has an envelope tied to his leg and he extends it for me to undo.

I, of course, do but as my hands are preoccupied undoing the wretched bounds, my owl decides that he would have a little 'fun' and chew my joint to bits.

He obviously know that smoking is bad for me but REALLY?? Joints are hard to roll!

"Oi! Stop it!" I snatch the remains of my joint from his beak and he smirks (honestly, how does he do that??) and flies off.

My name is written in silver ink on the front of the envelope but there is no return name or address, I study the external area of the envelope as I roll another joint.

There didn't seem like there was anything wrong with it but you can never be to careful, I took out my wand and mutter every counter curse and anti-hexing spell I knew at it, but it seemed quite safe to open.

I heard a few snickers but I supposed that it was the Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff getting it on with each other in the stands.

I tore open the top of the envelope and pulled out the parchment within.

I recognised the style of writing immediately, it was almost identical to mine but it had a different context to it… and apart from the fact that it was Potter's writing.

This is what it said:

**_What it was like to observe Draco Malfoy for a week.- by Harry Potter_**

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**_Although I have observed the boy for more than half my life, I found it interesting to see another side to him which I hadn't been able to figure out if I was just merely observing without a cause._**

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**_There are little things which people rarely notice about a person, and there are the big things. One rather major asset to Draco Malfoy is his emotions, but there are those which he doesn't express about himself unless in the presence of himself or a fellow Slytherin._**

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**_He seldom makes uncivilized comments to people these days and keeps to himself, as it is noticed when he sits alone at his house table. What he thinks about is beyond anyone's ability to find out unless there was a spell invented to read others minds. _**

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**_His life seems to have an odd twist to it as he hasn't been 'out and about', he also seems to be keeping a watchful eye out for a certain someone but that has yet to be uncovered._**

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**_The grey eyes insist that he is hiding something, for I have read books upon such a wonder.. it isn't often you come across a person with blue grey eyes whom expresses their feelings out-right._**

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**_Draco Malfoy is one of these people with such eyes and with such emotional status, I found that the more I observed, the more I grew to like the boy for who he was and soon found that this liking wasn't where it stopped. _**

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**_I found the thing I desired most at the time I was watching him was in fact… Draco Malfoy himself._**

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I stopped reading at that point even though there was another two pages to go full of that untidy scrawl.

Another long puff of my joint and I folded the letter up and pocketed it.

Something about the little paragraph that I read intrigued me, I had felt exactly the same way.

Just how long had Potter watched me and had I not known about it? I know the parchment said a week but it also said 'Although I have observed the boy for half my life'

I almost (well actually I did) choked when I heard a whisper in my ear, a very familiar voice that I could recognise within a mile of anything.

"Aren't you going to read the rest?"

It was Potter and his damn invisibility cloak.

"Don't you know that it's rude to read over people's shoulders?" not to mention being invisible and scaring the living daylights out of me but I wasn't about to admit that to the green eyed menace.

I felt him sit behind me with his legs beside me, so literally, I was between Potters legs……. This was in fact a pretty comfortable place to be despite the bizarreness of  it all.

"Don't you know that it is illegal to smoke for underage people, muggle or not? Not to mention the fact that it's pot?" He was starting to irritate me but the irritation was thrown right out the window when he rested his head on my shoulder.

Okay, normally, I would have thrown him off me instantly but as this somehow felt too right to make it wrong.

"When are you going to stop answering back with questions?" I sigh leaning back into the touch.

"Whenever you decide to do so too" I feel the small stub of a joint being plucked from my fingers and brought up to the air behind me. I see the orange light at the end become brighter as Potter takes its last drag and slowly exhales the smoke ring. The floating stub is flicked away onto the grassy slope.

"I didn't know you smoked as well" and honestly, I'm pretty surprised at this, who would've thought the Golden Gryffindor boy would do such a thing, especially with that Mudblood Granger and Red-head Weasly breathing down his back.

"You never asked" the small chuckle behind me said.

After a bit of silence (and when Potter had removed his invisibility cloak) he said in a barely audible whisper "I think I've accidentally fallen for the last person I knew I could fall for"

I smiled, not smirked, an actual smile as he said these words because deep down inside, I had done exactly the same thing.

I knew that the years ahead would be rough, but it was this day that Potter, no Harry, had promised that he would be right there with me.

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_argh__ corny beyond the corniest of corny . _

_I couldn't find a proper way to end this so I had to end it in the worst way ever LOL _

_Oh well_   __

_I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and supported this ever so crap fiction and I'm glad you guys enjoyed it (or didn't to those who decided to flame at the last minute due to the crappiness of the ending)_

_THANKYOOH HEAPS!!_

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